so i’m at work. another 9 hours to go before i can go home. in short, everything that could have gone wrong this week…did. 4 days off is going to be sweet. i keep hearing rumours that it’s going to snow late monday or tuesday. let’s hope that doesn’t happen. i’d much rather be laying in the lawn chair and reading/typing on the laptop wearing shorts and a tank. mmm.

whats up this week? well tomorrow i am going out for dins with the family to celeb annettes and moms bdays with my gparents. mandarin! i also had mandarin this week for sahel’s last day at work. it’s so delicious. so much for being on a diet. maybe i’ll have to start trying some of that…what’s it called…exercise? i should get used to that anyways. work won’t be keeping me fit in the summertime.

hopefully see a couple other friends over the next couple days too. mmmm i am craving rock band.

i’m so pumped for tbay. i have no idea why…i was so negative about it before. i guess i am just finally ready for that stage of my life. hopefully be able to find someone wonderful when i am there too! mmm pretty boys ; )

well i’m gonna go take a break from my break. mb play some cards with the boys upstairs.

i can never seem to remember my passwords. maybe it is because there are so many of them. i think i spent about 10 mins trying to log in just now. don’t write on here near enough i guess.

things are great. i’ve been spending a lot of time with friends lately. try to fit in a new couple people every 4 days off. i’ve been seeing h & d a lot more lately which is awesome. i love the way their house is looking. it’s gone from empty unpainted walls to something that looks much more like a home. can’t wait to see the furniture tomorrow. it’s like everytime i go, they have something new and exciting. i still think the rock band group we had is the best.

the weather outside is beautiful. i spent most of today on a lawn chair in the backyard and got a bit of sun. it was nice just typing to friends on my new old laptop (dad bought it used from ebay). i am trying to get outside on my days off so it makes the gloomy ones i have to spend working not so bad. yay for no more work soon. boo for no more money.

can’t wait to enjoy summer. even if it is in another city. i’m trying to stay positive, which hasn’t been so hard as of late. i am hoping to meet new friends and have a good time when i am in tbay. i have been talking to some guys online and have a room lined up for the summer. off to a good start.

dave leaves on may 6. mixed feelings about the whole thing. trying not to think too much about it. i have to believe that if it was meant to be, we will hang out in august. if not, well i hope i will be able to find someone new who is super duper and treats me right.

just waiting around to get an address so i can head out. going to st.catharine’s and ottawa this weekend until sunday morning. ending everything off with a much needed massage on monday.

yesterday wasn’t good. this whole year hasn’t been great. so many high’s and low’s. also if you haven’t figured it out by now…the only time i write in the blog is usually for the bad times. had a meltdown at work last night. bunch of things just set me off since my personal issues have been building up too…once i started getting upset there was no calming down. way to make a fool out of myself. no one likes a crybaby, least of all me. i asked to go home. apparently i come off as being better than the people i work with and a perfectionist that takes things personally when i can’t do them myself. guess it’s better than being the person who is on par with everyone else but can’t do anything right. should have just called in sick and gone painting with hols instead.

little worried about the fall out from yesterday. work is a rumour mill. gonna be known as the girl who freaked out for no reason. so much for keeping it all together. breathe, just breathe. least the tears have stopped for now. pull it together cEa.

i guess since everyone else is doing it…i’ll write a post.

i’m moving in 4.5 months to tbay. i’m terrified.

having a “low” in my life. i guess with the high’s come lows…but i’m not crazy about it. usually winter is my time, snowboarding and what not. i don’t feel like going alone, other peeps are going, but not inviting me. f them. f winter. f driving to work in the snow as well.

my dave is leaving me. he was offered a job in vancover today and probably will take it. somewhere there or in victoria. given, i knew it was coming. even tho sometimes i don’t even know where i stand with him/us, it’s nice to have someone who cares. it’s just hard when everyone else is “starting their lives” and i have to wait another bit before i can. patience was never one of my strong points.

starting 4 days of work soon. yipee. just feels a bit pointless cus anything i earn now i’ll have blown through by this dec and will be accumulating debt. ew.

i wish i could spend more time with friends. rather that they had more time for me.

positive? hmm. annette and i are friends again. i’ve missed her.

unmotivated. slightly depressed. things are slowly getting back in gear but it’s difficult. i never want to do another lab write up. i don’t want to study for midterms. i don’t want to wake up at 5am to finish my homework and call universities at 830am. i will though. i am the only one who is going to get the marks for me. i am the only one who will figure out what’s going on with my future. i can’t let it pass me by.

i miss my daddy.

i turned down a job today. would have been 11.50 an hour for 8 hours a week. i sure could use the money. oh well. wasn’t getting a good vibe from the place.

i feel gross. sleeps time.

it’s been awhile. like a lot of things, i mean to post more but i don’t. it’s not that i’m really busy, just lazy of late.

i think i’m finally over the whole scott thing. hanging out with dave helped. things lately with dave just don’t seem to be what they were in the summer. it’s because i’m not in brantford everyday and his house isn’t 5 mins away anymore. he also wants to leave brantford and ontario asap to get back out west. couldn’t be any clearer than that.

so i don’t like anyone. no interests at all. it’s rather boring and kinda scary. especially when you see all these people getting engaged, hitched, moving in together, having kids. i’m still a work in progress with my career. i’ll get there. another 2 months and i’ll be done at slowhawk. then onto a job and hopefully back into uni. it’s kinda nice because i don’t feel obligated to go to a certain place to study because of a significant other. i’ll go to lakehead in the cold.

i finished my first crossword in the newspaper tonight. felt good. i started last thurs and fri on a couple. seems i am pretty good at them. i guess it’s a bit dorky but i like things that can exercise my mind. big fan of books too as long as they are about dragons + wizards and some some boring chemistry book.

bought an ipod online on my first ebay auction this week. got a pretty good deal. can’t wait for it to arrive. won’t have to listen to crappy radio stations anymore. i’m still on a budget until i get a job…hopefully i’ll make it ’til december. i just need a sugar daddy.

trying to exercise, eat healthy and have a night routine for stretching, teeth & face cleaning. i just got over my third cold this month. provided i don’t get ill again, i should be good to go.

i haven’t been hanging out with anyone really lately. it sucks. everyone has their own stuff. i know i say it all the time. i’m not the kinda person who will beg others to hang out tho. i get discouraged when people cancel and then i don’t get to do what i want. i’ve developed a new motto to that tho, i’ll go regardless if the person cancels or not. i’ll be that creepy person that goes to the movies alone, goes for a hike alone or whatever it is. there’s no reason i shouldn’t enjoy my life and have some experiences just because i can’t find someone to hang out with me. i’ll probably meet some new people that way too.

sing like you think no one’s listening…

i found 10 grey hairs growing in for my roots. i’m getting old. ew.

ah the single life. i guess it’s hard to remember how things were 3 years ago. i vaguely recall being dissastified all the time with relationships. i remember crying when things didn’t go my way. doesn’t seem so different from how i feel now. did i make a mistake? i still don’t think so.

i feel detached from everything and everyone. i feel that the couples don’t want a third wheel around…can’t blame them. when i was in a relationship, i guess we made our own plans and didn’t worry about anyone else. so this is how it feels. i’ve had many a day off this summer. some have been busy, but lately not so much. august was suppose to be super packed with stuff since xine and emi were finishing work. instead i’m just sitting at home, in front of the computer screen or in bed and doing absolutely nothing.

the stuff i need to do around the house to finish the 3 outstanding rooms can’t be done until other jobs my family has to do are done. i can’t touch the gardens b/c mother is stupid. i don’t have a tv to put on all day and brainwash myself with. i don’t need to suntan anymore or i’ll be a poster adult for cancer.

why can’t i stop feeling sorry for myself. i think i need a new bf, but good luck on that one. anyone i am interested in is the anti of relationships or won’t commit. guess that’s nothing new. perhaps i just need more single friends or just friends that want to go out and do stuff. i can’t keep sitting alone at home. i’m hoping things get better in sept when i head back to school. perhaps i need a hobby. maybe i should do some volunteering starting sept. no idea what i’m going to do if i have to go to thunderbay for 2 years. sit in a room and stare at the walls & count down the days until i can come home to do the same thing? ugh.

what a crappy night. i have 4 days off this weekend and no plans. yay for me, more spare time.

i’ve missed posting in my blog.

i haven’t been able to say anything about how i’ve felt because i didn’t want scott reading it. there i said it. anything i wrote would be analyzed and interpreted. i didn’t need that. i’ve had enough stress. sometimes what i’m thinking changes quite frequently…so writing it all down would have been bad. good, because i could have got it out of my system and perhaps better cus then at least scott would have known what was going on in my head. rather than thinking i didn’t care or wasn’t thinking about it at all.

i had one drink out tonight with a friend and ended up with a headache. sat at home and majorly depressed myself. decided to read a bit of my book to pass the time. it’s been slow going, i think i’ve been at this book a month since i generally just read it at work on my breaks.

being single sucks. majorly. from past experience i hated the whole dating thing, and not really interested in going back to that. i still have lots to sort out. so many things have gotten off track. couple good things have come out of the break/up tho. i no longer feel super fat. i’ve lost about 13 lbs since starting my job at apotex. it feels great. also it’s nice that other guys are attracted to me…it’s flattering and makes me feel great. i think the reasons behind the weight gain was the lack of exercise, no motivation and eating too many meals out. as for new interests? not so much. a coworker left his number in the pages of my book which was cute…another and i hang out sometimes, it’s good just chilling not alone. i got so used to my old routine. my usual guy friends still like me, but most realize i’m not in a good place right now. the last thing i need from them is more complications.

my job is hell. absolute hell. just gotta stick to it tho, some parts of it are getting better. the hours and lack of weekends at times kills me. summer should be for partying, relaxing and pools. last summer all i did was study, now all i do is work this one. such is life!

had a great photoshoot with hols yesterday. thanks hun! i really like the way my hair looks dark in pictures compared to the blonde. i guess i just needed a change, it’s fitting with what i’m trying to do with the rest of my life.

*sigh* can’t wait for my bday. it’s 3 weeks from now, but can’t wait. love my bday. not for the fact i’m getting old. i love seeing friends and going out and everyone being there to see me. nothing beats feeling like that.

I haven’t written much lately. Just been in a rut. Been working my way through outstanding work, test, assignments, labs and such. I’ll get there!! Here’s something to hold ya all over.

Just pasted the ones I have done:
8. Said “I love you” and meant it
9. Hugged a tree
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Slept under the stars
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
47. Taken a road-trip
49. Midnight walk on the beach
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
59. Lounged around in bed all day
62. Kissed in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
74. Crashed a party
77. Made cookies from scratch
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
89. Had a one-night stand
94. Been on a cruise ship
97. Raised children
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Ridden a bike
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
119. Had surgery
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
135. Selected one important author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
146. Dyed your hair
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life