my days, they ebb and flow. some days, the tide comes in up over my head. it swallows me whole. other days i am basking in the sun’s rays.
the move is keeping me busy. i have bought the couch, the coffee tables, and the mattress. next up is the bedroom set. that should happen this weekend. packing has to start happening. i move two weeks from saturday. the movers are booked. the addresses changed. new house, new furniture, new life.
i want to go on vacation alone. i want to wander the streets of san franciso. i may just do it this spring. the thought of a week alone in a foreign city both scares and excites me. i like to think it will be liberating. i will be left alone with my own thoughts. hopefully i’ll be able to clear my head. sometimes a change of scenery is all one needs. maybe the new house will bring that much needed calm to my life. time will only tell.
battered, bruised, and broken. i will not admit to this freely, but it’s clear in my eyes. i act like it’s okay, like getting shit on is no big deal.
my shoulders are heavy with the weight. this is me, trapped in my own head. i try to convince myself that things aren’t so horrible. maybe they are. maybe they aren’t. as usual, i take on the weight of the world. this time it’s my own world crashing around me.
but i paste a smile on my face. a shit-eating grin just to cover the truth. eventually i will supress the truth long enough until it disappears. i’m slowly convincing myself that the past month was just a figment of my imagination.
it can’t be all bad. i haven’t downed a pint of ben & jerry’s half-baked. clearly i’m doing better than i thought.
i have run the gamut of emotions in the past 48 hours. i have shed more tears than i thought any human could produce. i’ve been angry. so angry. and i have laughed my ass off.
i am moving on with my head held high, knowing that i am the better person.
matthew good. full band. may 29th. massey hall.
WWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i got my wish 
