come be with me
soothe my broken heart
show me loyalty

her mother’s heart has been shattered
told her daughter to beware
both secrets and dreams you should never share
trust only in change ’cause hearts change
but betrayal always feels the same
but with him she found loyalty

come be with me
soothe my broken heart
show me loyalty

’cause like a child you will never want for love
’cause all that i have i give to you
come and take my hand and share your life with me
’cause you are my soul and i will always love you

come be with me
soothe my broken heart
show me loyalty

i’ll be there for you
right there for you

come be with me
soothe my broken heart
show me loyalty

-me’shell ndegéocello

And every magazine tells her she’s not good enough,
The pictures that she sees make her cry.

And she would change everything, everything just ask her.
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster,
And she needs someone to take her home.

She’s giving boys what they want, tries to act so nonchalant,
Afraid they’ll see that she’s lost her direction.
She never stays the same for long,
Assuming that she’ll get it wrong.
Perfect only in her imperfection.

She’s not a drama queen,
She doesn’t want to feel this way, only seventeen but tired

She would change everything for happy ever after.
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster,
But she just needs someone to take her home.

Cuz she’s just the way she is, but no ones told her that’s ok.

And she would change everything, everything just ask her.
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster,

And she would change everything for happy ever after.
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster,

But she just needs someone to take her home
And just needs someone to take her home.

~Jon McLaughlin

Your party hasn’t been canceled, but it may be postponed until you get your life back on track. You may have lost your way, even if you had the foresight, like Hansel and Gretel, to leave a trail of breadcrumbs. But everything is different now and there’s no sign of the markers anywhere. You’ll need to pay close attention to all the clues to figure out where you are going and the best way to get there.

Hurt myself again today and the worst part is there’s no one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me
Wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up and breathe me

Ouch
I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found

Yeah
I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend
Hold me
Wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up and breathe me

Be my friend
Hold me
Wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up and breathe me

~Sia.

When you set your mind on something, you don’t wait to act. Right now your relationship is at the forefront, and you’ll do whatever’s necessary to keep it thriving. Your efforts won’t go unnoticed.

so far the efforts have gone unnoticed.

right about now i feel like i should have just kept my mouth shut.

i worry, quite often too much about things that i should just let lie. yes, i’m worried history is going to repeat itself. and maybe you are too. but i cannot let that stop me from enjoying every day. there are so many better things to think of, yet i let the negative get to me.

i want this, more than anything else. and i’m sorry if i scared you last night. but i, too, am a little scared. i just chose to say it out loud.

time and patience is all it will take. those were your words. i know this. but if there’s one thing i lack, it’s patience.

we’ve always just made sense. let’s keep it that way. it’s too good to let the simple things get in the way.

today i find myself reflecting on the reasons i love some of the people in my life.

the girl that comes to mind most today is the curly-haired sweetheart who is beautiful inside and out, no matter how much she will disagree with me on the “beautiful outside” part. during our brief outing at lunch today, we discussed a number of things. one of them being how a friend of ours finally broke down inside this weekend. boys, family, and work all finally got to her. upon telling her about this, she immediately texted said friend to invite her to the gym tonight with us girls. to the friend, it probably seems insignificant. but the fact that this girl felt compelled to try and bring a smile to someone’s face just made my cold heart melt. she cares so much for the people around her, moreso than most anyone i know. this girl deserves everything in life. i only hope for her that one day she can realize her beauty and her heart. and for as much as i adore her love for others, i can only pray that one day she will realize that you have to look out for number one. she’s got a long road ahead of her i’m sure. but i believe that on some idle tuesday, many years from now, she will finally see herself the way i see her - as a selfless beauty deserving of the love of others as well as herself.

through my own struggles, i have come to see that another friend also has her own struggles. and in my selfish bubble, i often tend to push her troubles by the wayside for my own. i know she forgives me for it, but maybe i should learn a little from the friend above. this friend goes above and beyond to help me sort things out in my life. i can’t even begin to explain how thankful i am every day of my life for her. she brings a smile to my face at even the mere thought of her. i could only hope to be there for her as much as she has been there for me.

there is also this techno-geek girl whom i just adore. another one who worries more about others. she carries the weight much too heavy on her shoulders. but i am very similar in that way. it is a cross to bear, but at the end of the day, i believe it gives us both character. opening my mailbox to find an endearing card from an equally endearing friend just made my day better. no one sends snail mail anymore. except for her. and you know, i like that i only receive mail from her. it was always a source of joy for me during her summers away to open my mailbox and find a big fat envelope with multi-coloured letters and pictures of kids in biway flyers who look freakishly similar to me. she struggles with the day-to-day life just as we all do, and some days she breaks down. but i think that’s healthy. and the end of it all, i know she’ll always have a smile on her face and great big hug to give you. she really gives the best hugs.

then there’s this crazy kid i know who’s too damn smart for his own good. and because of this, he tortures himself. he thinks he’s selfish, and the worst person i’ll ever know. but i really am thankful to have had him in my life for so long. it’s forever been a struggle, but it’s only made me grow over the years. i have learned so much from him. and i only hope that one day he, too, sees himself the way i see him - as a caring person who really just wants to make people happy. i can only hope to share my rose-coloured glasses with him some day so he can see the world in a happier light. life’s too short. may as well enjoy it. no one gets out alive.

ok, i’m done being a ray of fucking sunshine now. hopefully i brought a smile to your face as all of you do to me.

the only downside to all of this is that none of my friggin clothes fit anymore. for most people, this would be a source of joy. but for a self-professed shopaholic, this is sad news. i have spent a lot of time (and money) getting my wardrobe to what it is. this weight loss is making an even bigger dent in my wallet because i need to buy new clothes that fit.

this dedication to the gym is nothing less than beneficial. but there’s other reasons i’m so into getting slim.

i feel like i have little control over the other aspects of my life as of late. my body seems to be the only thing i have control over anymore. that sounds an awful lot like something an anorexic would say. but fear not, i love food way too much to ever stop eating. or puke it back out for that matter.

i hate not knowing what’s going to happen next in my life. i used to go with the flow. now i want to know what happens next. the only thing i know for sure is that in a few short weeks, my weight is going to slip below 130. that’s phenomenal considering i haven’t been there since i was in about grade 10. but on the same token, it’s sort of depressing that the only thing i’m sure of anymore is my weight.